How to Get Her Back? Screw That: How To Not Want Her Back in Three Easy Steps.
63Even though I did the better part of my growing up in the days before total internet domination, I find it hard to recall where we ran to when our lives went tits up, television I suppose.
Regardless, if you’re here you were probably scouring the deepest, darkest recesses of the internet to find solutions for your failing relationship. I know because not so long ago I was too. The good news is I got’em, the bad news is you’ll hate’em.
When she said “I need space”, she meant space from you and your bullshit. When she said “I need to find myself”, she meant find herself without you. Yup… you’re fucked, and I feel your pain.
Now if it’s Band-Aids you want the internet is full of them. If it’s a glimmer of light you’re searching for then just hit the back button to Google and pick the next one on the list. Here I sell reality, it’s a tough sell but that’s why I am The Salesman.
The fact is something went wrong at some point, and if you still dream of her when she’s moved on to “no thank-you”, then there is a good chance it’s something wrong with you (bet that got your attention).
Most people will say the chemistry is off, we’ve become different people, or (insert cliché bullshit). This may be true but… true or not you still want her and that isn’t good. Even if she might come back you have to accept that she won’t… because she probably won’t.
Beyond that even if she does come back, what’s changed? Why would she stay for good this time? Wile E Coyote is never going to catch the Road Runner. Eventually some other predator will scoop up that little tongue wagging son-of-a-bitch, and you’ll realize how much time, energy, and heart you spent chasing after something you should have let go of years ago. Worse yet, you’re starving.
So… You need to be a different “you”. You need to figure out how and why you changed (because you probably did). You need to be the man she fell in Love with, not so she’ll come back but so YOU will. No one will Love the man who’s living in a past relationship, you need to live your life. Today is day one of Plan “B”.
Step One: Move On.
Guess what; you’re probably not bad looking, you may be interesting, and you might even be fun. I can’t honestly say but something made the last one fall in Love with you, she didn’t just lose a bet. Nonetheless, she’s gone but you’re still here. Don’t forget that.
I know you’re thinking “But she’s the one for me”, well guess what asshole you cocked it up and now she isn’t. That part of your life is over. Ever get fired? Ever get hired back? Exactly.
Step Two: Be Single.
You’re not on a “break”. A break is when you go to the coast for clamming. You’re dumped. Deal with it. The upside to being single is that once you accept it you realize you are free to do anything because you don’t have to play by anyone else’s rules. It may not sound great but there is a wonderful feeling about not knowing tomorrow. That’s what single is. Embrace it.
Step Three: Focus on a New Target.
Whether it’s a dream you let go of, traveling to the West Indies, or the redhead at the coffee shop, you need to draw your attention away from yesterday. Yesterday is the red cape you are constantly taunted with for the sick amusement of others, Tomorrow is the matador in spangled goddamn leotards. Don’t be fooled into focusing on the cape, charge straight ahead and gore that flamboyant motherfucker!
A word of caution, if it is the redheaded barista you’re focusing on for right now remember: Casual dating – GOOD, Relationship - BAD!
None of this will be easy. I’m less than a month into my unwanted liberation and I know there are harder days ahead but I’m actually learning to enjoy this time. If you try to follow what I’ve said it should help you to get to “better”. We all sacrifice something when we get into a relationship; it’s time to take it back.
Remember, there’s no “i” in couple, but there is in life.
I am The Salesman
