The Upside of Obliteration: How to Find Dry Land.
64I now honestly believe that everyone needs to be completely destroyed every once in a while. I don’t mean tiptoes curling over the edge of the cliff; I mean bum-over-noggin, trapped in a tailspin, headfirst into the pavement. This will hurt very badly, but it is good for you.
You see if things go consistently smoothly we get complacent and complacency is a dangerous thing. When you’re not really unhappy you just kind of accept the current and go for a slow ride. The problem is the current can take you farther and farther out to sea, but so gradually you don’t notice. Eventually you’re somewhere you don’t recognize, and never wanted to be. Sound familiar?
The good news is the ex-misses just did you a huge favour, and I’m about to do you another. She was kind enough to kick your sorry ass out of the boat, and I’m going to try to give you a refresher course on swimming. You can think of me as a foul-mouthed Jiminy Cricket, I’m the voice on your shoulder that is genuinely trying to help you figure this shit out. Ask yourself “What The Fuck Would The Salesman Do?” (I think I might have to make that into a T-shirt).
First, if she left you there was a reason. You’re lazy - Why did you give up on yourself? You’re dull – Why don’t you want to have fun? You cheated – Why did you endanger a relationship you now say meant so much to you? Nothing happens in a vacuum, if you’re not the man you were on day one maybe you should be more concerned with that than getting her back.
The right one should make you a better version of yourself. If you look back at single “you” and think that guy was more awesome than couple “you”, you have a problem friend… or at least you had one.
She might still be in Love with the guy she met in the beginning. She might even have been trying her best to hold onto that cool, fun guy she met on the bus one September. Problem is… eventually she realized that he’s gone and no amount of nagging will bring him back.
Here’s where the favour comes in, this is your wake up call.
1) Identify The Problem.
Who were you before that you’re not now. She undoubtedly made some changes in you for the better but I’m willing to wager not all the changes were good. If you are the exact same guy you were on day one then I can’t help you. I saw an interesting looking hub on crocheting though… might want to check it out.
2) Identify the Cause.
Whatever your change was (the bad ones I mean), why did it happen? Blaming her will do no good at all. The choices that led you to being the sorry sack who just got dumped… you made them not her. It’s easy to blame getting older but older can’t account for everything.
3) Fix it.
The Christmas gift you received is a chance to start fresh. You have the opportunity to make yourself into anyone. Now is the time to repair the damage made by severe self-neglect. Hopefully it’s not too late.
In the end you may have to come to a very sobering decision… you probably didn’t Love her. Love makes you a better version of yourself, it’s not just how you feel about her but how she makes you feel about you. Maybe you did Love her at one point or maybe just the idea of her. It’s hard to guess what went wrong but it did. Thankfully she’s a little smarter than you and knew what to do, perhaps you should thank her.
Dwelling on yesterday won’t accomplish much. Like I said in a previous hub; yesterday is the bright red cape that steals your attention but you can never catch, tomorrow is the asshole matador. It’s time to figure out who you are, sans the ex.
She took care of the hard part, the rest is up to you.
I am The Salesman
